Shepherd's First Winter: Nan's Tears, Episode 26

This is the twenty-sixth episode of the novel Shepherd's First Winter. It is available on Amazon in paperback or Kindle 

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Nan’s Tears

Shepherd cooked all morning long. He was anxious about his visitors. He checked the clock that hung on a beam in the kitchen. He constantly heard the hum of snow machine engines that Pal and Trap couldn’t hear. He felt a strong bond with Daniel’s family. It was nothing he had experienced before. Pal and Trap had the feeling something special was planned. It made them fidgety and restless.

Shepherd prepared a big meal: a canned ham scored and with cloves, candied yams, green beans, cranberry jelly, biscuits, dinner rolls, pumpkin pie, blueberry pie, apple cider, and white wine.

The sun was three-quarters over the southern sky when the dogs reacted to the buzz of distant snow machines.

Daniel and his family arrived and soon the cabin was filled with joy, laughter, and noise. They ate and played cards and games. At times Shepherd stopped to observe the joy of family. At times his eyes became moist.

Shepherd stood back and watched Daniel, Maggie, and the boys playing a highly competitive and animated game of slapjack. Nan stood on the other side of the table opposite Shepherd.

Nan edged to the other side of the table and whispered to Shepherd, “Are you alright? You seem to be crying.”

“They are called tears of joy,” Shepherd whispered. “I never thought I would be around people this happy and feel this happy.”

Nan gently squeezed his hand and returned to the other side of the table.

The game ended with Maggie the declared winner to a chorus of boos, but she regaled in victory. The only one to cheer for her was Shepherd.

“I see a guitar in the corner,” Nan said. “Do you play it or dust it?”

“I really don’t play well,” Shepherd said.

Izzy walked over to the corner and picked it up. “There is dust on his bookshelf, but none on the guitar,” he said.

“Izzy!” Maggie said. “We are guests. That is impolite.”

“He’s making a point,” Shepherd said, “I play the guitar more than I dust.”

Izzy handed the guitar to Shepherd. “Play us something.”

“I’m shy about it,” Shepherd said.

“We are friends,” Daniel said. “There is no better way to know one another than to share your embarrassment.” Daniel nodded. “Let us be friends.”

“Sure,” Shepherd said, “I’ll play something, but whoever laughs sleeps on the porch.”

Shepherd cradled the guitar and tuned it. Then, looking into the fire, he sang "I Am I Said" with a few alterations.

“Alaska’s fine, the sun don’t shine most the time

The feeling is laid back

Pine trees grow and temperatures low

But you know never thinking about

Making my way back

Well, I'm New York City-born and raised

But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores

Alaska’s fine, now it’s home

New York's not home to me no more

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king
And then became one
Well, except for the names and a few other changes
If you talk about me, the story's the same one

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried but it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I've never cared for the sound of being alone

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why

I am, I said
I am, I cried
I am…”

Everyone applauded except Nan. Shepherd saw a tear roll from her moist eyes.

Shepherd's First Winter; Change, Episode 25

This is the twenty-fifth episode of the novel Shepherd's First Winter. It is available on Amazon in paperback or Kindle 

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Change

The men at the council meeting a few months ago are good and honorable men,” Daniel said. “But there are a couple who live in fear.”

“Fear of what?” Shepherd said.

“In their lifetime they will see their ways disappear,” Daniel said. “You represent that fear.”

“All I want to do is live out here and be left alone,” Shepherd said, “and help where I can.”

“Most of the men know that,” Daniel said. “They could see it in your eyes. They all recognized the risk of coming all the way from your place to out here and into Ruby. They know you are a good and brave man for doing that. But there are some, that no matter what you do, it will never be enough.”

“I don’t want to change anything,” Shepherd said.

“We are not afraid of change,” Daniel smiled. “Some change is good. It is our identity, our culture, our ways. But everybody’s ways change. Few cultures live like they did three hundred years ago. Even the ones who don’t want change want to hold on to snow machines, rifles, TV sets, and liquor?”

“They fear the white man,” Shepherd said.

“Yes, my friend,” Daniel said.

“And a friend of the white man is their enemy,” Shepherd said.

Daniel and Nan glanced at each other uncomfortably.

“Is this visit to tell me we can no longer be friends?” Shepherd said.

“That will never happen,” Daniel said, “I only want you to know there are others willing to be your friend also. Don’t be afraid to look beyond our family.”

“We only want you to be cautious, Shepherd,” Nan said. “We want nothing bad to happen to you. We will do what we can.”

“Do you know of specific threats to me?” Shepherd said.

“No,” Daniel said, “there will be a coldness by a few and perhaps someone will sneak out and slip sugar in your tank.”

“How long will it go on?” Shepherd ask.

“Until they know you are not going to move or you shoot one of them,” Daniel said.

“Well,” Shepherd said, “I don’t want to shoot anybody.”

“Sometimes if you just come close that will be enough,” Daniel said.

“Yeah,” Nan said. “Enough to let them know you are serious.”

“Well,” Shepherd smiled, “I’m not leaving. This is still better than where I came from.”

“We are glad,” Nan said. “The boys said if Amoruk cannot scare him…”

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” Shepherd said.

“Nan says it’s okay. I know the boys will want to play with the wolf. I must okay it with my wife, but I think she would like to eat out sometime,” Daniel smiled broadly. “There are so few places.”

Shepherd's First Winter; A Serious Matter, Episode 24

This is the twenty-fourth episode of the novel Shepherd's First Winter. It is available on Amazon in paperback or Kindle 

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Each day that passed, a speck more of sunlight, but not warmth. The cold was deadly and challenging, an adversary with no compassion or conscience or trace of hypocrisy. Respect and fear were the only way to traverse from fall to spring. The moments of play and romping in the snow were like tempting the Devil.

The ears of Pal and Trap stood like soldiers called to attention. Something was near. Shepherd rubbed a light layer of frost from the window and peered across the lonely snow and windswept meadow. Suddenly appearing out of the stream bed were two humming snow machines.

“Mind your manners, Trap,” Shepherd said, “I think it’s Daniel and one of his boys.”

The snow machines came to rest in front of the cabin. It was Daniel and Nan. Shepherd met them at the steps to the porch. They greeted each other with a hug.

“We thought we’d check on you,” Daniel said. Daniel’s eyes widened. “What is that?”

“I call him Trap,” Shepherd said.

“Is he wild?” Nan said.

“Not now,” Shepherd said. “Let’s go inside and I’ll tell you about how Trap, Pal, and I got to be friends.”

Shepherd, Daniel, and Nan sat around the table over coffee as the events surrounding the domestication of Trap were told.

After all questions and curiosity had been satisfied Shepherd ask, “So what brings you out this way.”

“Like we said,” Daniel said, “we worry.”

“That is nice,” Shepherd said. “I worried about your family. I think about you every day. It‘s a blessing to have friends like your family. You are more than friends; I feel like you have become like family.”

“And the dogs,” Nan said raising her eyebrows, “do they worry and think about us?”

Shepherd smiled. “And the dogs. I told Trap all about you folks.”

“How are Maggie and the boys?” Shepherd said.

“They are fine,” Daniel said.

“Have the boys ever wrestled and played with a timber wolf?” Shepherd said.

“Not that I’m aware,” Daniel said.

“Tomorrow,’ Shepherd said. “You and your family are invited out here. I have plenty of room, spend the night.”

Daniel looked at Nan. “We will come.”

“Good,” Shepherd smiled.

“I am curious, Shepherd,” Daniel said. “Tell me what you did in New York. Do you have family and children? If you don‘t want to say, that‘s okay.”

“Daniel, I have no secrets. Never a wife or children,” Shepherd said. “But I was married to my job and my children were my clients. I was a broker; eight years at Sterling,

Paxton, and Purcell’s. I had interest in some businesses of my own also.”

“Why did you leave?” Daniel said.

“It just wasn’t me. I thought it was at first, but when you wake up one morning and ask who am I and all I have to answer with is a bank account, a personal portfolio of stocks that are obscene, and everyone around me hoping for my demise, one starts to question things. And then when you’re outside the shark tank the vermin on the streets take over. I lived in mortal fear from every direction.”

“You have danger here,” Nan said gesturing to the surroundings.

“For sure, I do,” Shepherd said. “But I have friends here, real friends.”

“But there is a serious matter I would like to speak to you about,” Daniel said. “I am worried about you.”

“What does that mean?” Shepherd said.